Did anyone else have the Christian Choose Your Own Adventure book which instead of picking which castle door you went through you were always deciding if you should or should not have sex with dudes?
My mom got us a book when I was in jr. high called He Gave Her Roses (because girls, roses are an insidious weapon for boys to get into your pants) in which Stacy would go around making life decisions that basically just involved boys and sex. Apparently Stacy never had to pick a career or decide where to go to college. She just had to decide if she wanted to do it without birth control.
The great thing about Stacy was whenever you decided she should have sex something bad always happened to her. Either she got knocked up, or was subjected to vicious rumors or was scarred emotionally FOR LIFE. Stacy couldn't catch a break whenever her vagina was in action. Even if Stacy was in a committed relationship with her loving boyfriend and decided to do it the sex actually tore their relationship apart. Years later she'd have to relate to her daughter how sex had ruined everything. There was never an adventure where Stacy does it, nothing happens and she moves on with her life. Not so fast, Stacy.
That book was like a horror movie where you knew something bad was behind the door but you always chose to have the sex anyway. And then up would pop the monster. Pregnancy! Regret! Shame! Emotional Scarring! Disrespect! God Now Hates You! Everyone Hates You! You Are Now An Evil Slutface!
But if Stacy decided to Just Say No, there was always love and lollipops around the next corner. Boys liked and respected her more. She was a better person. Jesus glowed in her heart. Stacy never regretted not doing it. There was never an adventure where Stacy said no and then never had a chance to do it again and her vagina dried up and fell off. Or Stacy never declined her high school boyfriend and then realized she should have just gotten it over with instead of searching constantly for The One. Oh no. Every time Stacy refused penis only good things happened. Penis was Stacy's kryptonite. I'm surprised there wasn't an adventure where Stacy has sex and then promptly gets run over by a bus because she has SHAMED GOD. There probably was one and I'm just blocking it out.
Strangely I miss that book. It's nice to know when you're not getting any that someone somewhere is being punished for doing it.
I found it on Amazon! Oh happy day.
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