WTF- Facebook Edition

Just saw on Facebook that you can become a fan of 'I LOVE Being a Parent!' Much like the 'I Love My Mom' group this could quite possibly the most pointless group ever. Now if you joined a group called 'I Want to Throw my Little Bastard off a Cliff' that would be something. Ya, child services my pay you a visit but at least you're saying something.

I will continue to fight these stupid pointless Facebook groups until real change is enacted or until I get bored.

Of Friends and Rapists

One of my guy friends is staying with me for a few days and it makes me feel a lot safer when I go to bed at night knowing he’s out there on the couch. Before I'd sometimes have problems sleeping, worrying about rapists and murderers. But now I feel safe knowing if a rapist does come in, he’s gonna see my friend and while he’s trying to rape him I can run out the back door and escape.

Conversations with Benj- Midget Sex Edition

BENJ- How short are you willing to go?

ME- What?

BENJ- In a man. How short can a guy be before you refuse
to date him?

ME- I don’t have a number on file.

BENJ- Oh so you’d sleep with midgets.

ME- I don’t know any midgets but maybe.

BENJ- What if the midget was the size of a baby?

ME- That’s not possible, a. And b you’re creepy.

BENJ- Okay say he’s a regular sized midget. What would it take?
He's got it all, great car, sense of humor, wonderful personality,
fantastic in the sack. Would that be enough?

ME- Uh,

BENJ- Like what if he could do other things? That Mini Me guy gets
a ton of girls and I heard it’s because he has a special skill.

ME- Don’t want to hear it.

BENJ- I heard that he can stand right underneath a girl and
work his fists-

ME- For the love of god, did you not hear DON’T want to hear it?

BENJ- I’m just saying that’s not something you see everyday.
Doesn’t it make you curious? It’d be like doll hands
working up in there.

ME- You and your weird fascination with midget sex.

BENJ- I’m a man of many interests.

Facebook the Obvious

There's a group on Facebook that you can join called 'I Love My Mom.' Thank god there's a Facebook group you can join or else who would know that you love your mom? Could a more obvious group have been formed? How about starting a group called 'I Sleep in a Bed,' or 'I've Seen an Episode of American Idol,' or 'I Wear Underwear.' Or 'I Love to State the Obvious.'

Now if someone started a Facebook group called 'I Hate My Evil Skank Whore of a Mother' that's something. You may look like a crazy, ungrateful brat but at least you're making a statement.

For the record I love my mother, who is not at all a skank whore but a very sweet lady who used to make me high fat baked goods and send me Valentine's cards with money in it. Two things that will endear me to you for life, whether or not you gave birth to me. Although that helps too.

COMPLIMENTS?

Everyone at work today told me how nice I looked. Not just that but they did it with a note of surprise in their voice, like 'you look nice today?' Almost as if they never believed it could actually happen. A few of my favorite compliments of the day:

1. Wow, you look showered!
2. You don't look tired, have you been catching up on your sleep?

These are actual compliments I received. So pretty much everyone at work thinks I'm an unshowered meth addict who doesn't sleep. They didn't say meth addict but it was implied. Who knew that 'you look showered' could be a compliment. I'm here to tell you it can .

In other news I may need to look for a new job soon.

Dude, really?

If you want to say, cheat on your girlfriend, it's not really a good idea to try to pick up on another girl when she's, like, 10 FEET AWAY. For the love of god, please at least wait until she's in the bathroom or something. Just a helpful hint.